Near Mint Comics - Archie vs Sharknado
Welcome to Near Mint Comics, where Miserable Retail Slave looks at the fun, fascinating, and weird world of comic books.
The Secret Origin of Sharknado
It started off as a throwaway line in SyFy’s original movie, Leprechaun’s Revenge (also known as Red Clover). This is not to be confused with Leprechaun Returns, which is a part of that longstanding horror franchise and a whole other thing.
Anthony C. Ferrante, who wrote Red Clover, went on to direct all of the Sharknado movies and a movie called Zombie Tidal Wave, which is exactly what it sounds like. In Red Clover, Ferrante included a throwaway line referencing a sharknado.
In an interview with Vice, the writer of Sharknado, Thunder Levin, said:
The original Sharknado drummed up such a tweet storm (pun intended because I’m awful) during the premiere that SyFy quickly rushed Sharknado 2 into development. It was the right mix of high concept and ridiculous to grab a lot of attention. At least it was an original idea. I was one of those enraptured viewers, tweeting along to the premiere, awestruck at the WTF that was enfolding on my screen. It’s hard to believe that a chainsaw-wielding Ian Ziering became the SyFy channel’s resident action hero and a funnel cloud filled with sharks became their hottest property, but six total Sharknado movies proved that they milked the franchise for all it was worth.
Why Archie vs Sharknado?
Archie vs Sharknado dropped digitally and in comic stores the same day that Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! premiered on the SyFy network.
Jeff Li, the VP of SyFy Ventures said: “The Sharknado franchise has soared in popularity due partly to the variety of great celebrities, who bravely encounter this unnatural menace. Sharknado survivors come in all forms. It’s only natural that Archie and the gang will get a chance to save their town from flying sharks.”
IT’S ONLY NATURAL.
Outside of characters like Deadpool or Harley Quinn, Archie is one of the most malleable characters in comics, for some reason.
Somewhere along the way, Archie went from having never-ending girl problems (just pick Betty or pick Veronica. Stop trying to have your cake and eat it too, man) to meeting The Punisher, the Predator, and becoming a zombie.
So, as ridiculous as it seems, Archie would be one of the prime suspects for a crossover of this type. Maybe the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too. That would be awesome. For the record, I’m glad that weird, wacky stuff like this exists just because it’s fun.
However, after careful consideration, I would love to see Deadpool vs. Sharknado. It will never happen, but it’s so perfect.
Archie vs. Sharknado
Written by Anthony C. Ferrante and drawn by longtime Archie artist, Dan Parent, this unlikely crossover was put in the best possible hands to succeed.
The story begins with Betty and Veronica traveling to Washington DC where some protestors are picketing for the rights of sharks and storms, while some are SHARKNA-NO!
As the girls start to explore the Washington Monument, the city is hit with a sudden and vicious Sharknado
There are literally bodies ripped apart and bloody sharks eating people, including poor Veronica’s dad, who was there on business. I give the editors of Archie a lot of credit for allowing the creators to run wild with this concept and not sanitize or censor it.
Betty and Veronica escape the Washington Monument, murdering sharks along the way and mutually agree to rush home because:
1) They want to warn their friends in Riverdale about a possible Sharknado
2) They can’t miss the big school dance that night because that player Archie might go with Cheryl instead of them!
Cheryl invites Archie and Jughead on her private boat for a pre-dance party to impress Archie. Random sharks start attacking the boat and it starts to go down. A shark battle ensues and Jughead eats a shark and what is going on?
At one point a shark even steals Cheryl’s bikini top because sharks are perverts and this whole thing is just bananas.
Three sharknados simultaneously form and Archie and his friends have to defend the school so that the dance can go on without a hitch! NO LIFE WITHOUT SCHOOL DANCES!
Meanwhile Betty and Veronica stole a helicopter and Veronica is mowing down wind gliding sharks with a crossbow and flaming arrows, so now you know she’s the one that you don’t want to mess with, ARCHIE.
Archie decides he’s going to make a bomb to take out all of the sharks, who have now moved on to attack the teens at the school dance. A bomb, what? Why are the teens of Riverdale so dangerous? Where did they learn such deadly skills?
That’s not even the best part. While some other industrious teens are fighting the sharks off with dodgeballs, the school janitor hooks Archie and friends up with multiple chainsaws because he has got to be a serial killer in training. Never trust the mysterious school janitor with multiple chainsaws - that’s what slasher movies have taught me.
Cheryl gets eaten by a shark and Archie goes ballistic and starts hacking through all the sharks because that’s his date for the evening after all.
Overall, I’m glad that this thing exists. It’s goofy and ridiculous and so is Sharknado in all the best ways possible. I was pleasantly shocked that the creators provided so many scenes of cartoon violence and gore. I think that, if you’re a movie fan or even just a fan of “bad” movies, Archie vs. Sharknado is something that you should have in your memorabilia collection.
Have any unlikely crossovers, comic-related shenanigans, or famous story arcs that you want to see me talk about? Drop a comment below on that, Sharknado, Archie, Archie vs Sharknado or anything else you want!
Listen to your favorite big, dumb comedy show: Miserable Retail Slave on Apple Podcasts today.